Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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