omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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