Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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