The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
