Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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