Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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