Jerry, you need to find god
I CAN MOONWALK!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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