nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
