i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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