there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
