Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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