party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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