And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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