I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
