How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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