i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
