All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
