quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
