She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
