We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
