Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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