Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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