Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
