yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
