That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
