I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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