no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
