remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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