well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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