They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
