Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she smelled like a LAN party
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
