His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
