Kiss
Puke
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize