I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
