after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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