Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
