Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
