help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
