85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize