I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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