i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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