she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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