Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
