Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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