He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
