Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
