remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
