I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
