escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
