yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
