Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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