It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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