they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
