Just fell off a train. Bad.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
