so that wasnt chicken after all
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
