my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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