woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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