I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
