So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
