i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
