It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
