Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
